Make It Happen

On the Road to Recovery

Surgery went well, although it was more extensive than I'd hoped because they couldn't get everything done via laparoscopy.  The cyst was benign, so I'll consider that a big bullet dodged & try not to whine too much about all the rest.   Apparently, the cyst was the size of a large lemon / medium apple - and the only part of my interior that wasn't covered in endometriosis and adhesions was my right fallopian tube.  No wonder, then, that I had all those episodes of excruciating pain.

Now that it's all been removed, once I get over the large incision & six puncture wounds, I should have a lot more energy and stamina - since I won't be dealing with the ongoing low-level pain nor subject to sudden bouts of agony; and the removal of lady bits should decrease my anemia as it will mean no ongoing blood loss.

While I was in the hospital, my hemoglobin got down to a 7 (they normally give you a blood transfusion if it goes below 8.  11.8 to 13 is "normal" range).  Two iron infusions and a shot of Procrit to stimulate red blood cell production has gotten me back up to a 10 - right where I was just before surgery.   

I'm not a particularly fast healer, and I'm not a very patient person.  I don't do "idle" well.  Pushing the grocery buggy last Sunday re-opened three of the incision sites, though, and probably set healing back at least a week.   Trying to bulldoze through sheer effort and force of will doesn't work when it comes to physical recovery processes, apparently.

So I'm resting.  Trying to eat healthy.  Keeping the incision sites clean, dry & protected.  And trying very hard to remember that this is temporary, and I'll be able to get back to my normal levels of production, achievement, experiencing life and exploration in another month or so.

Recognition has more value when it comes from a person you admire

After you've worked with people for a little while, you figure out which ones have a clue and which are merely blustering their way through, relying on bravado or sychophantic methods to cling to the career ladder.

When someone praises my work, the value of that praise - at least to me - is graded on a curve against my judgement of their own competence.

That makes this praise all the sweeter - as it came from someone I think highly of, after he saw the "one pager" I wrote up on security:

~~

From: Robert -- Sent: Mon 8/6/2007 4:25 PM
To: Maggie ---Subject: RE: security 1 pager

that's lightning in a bottle you have there.  This is perfect.  Thanks.

Robert --

Sales Support Engineer

~~~

I'm glowing :)

Tech Lust & Queasiness

I've been waffling over the poor state of my home PC for nearly a year.  It was a good enough system when I bought it oh, probably 8 years ago - but these days, a P4 with 256 mg. of RAM and a 40 GB hard drive just doesn't run fast enough to execute all the things I need and want to do.

On the other hand, it DOES still run.   So I've left off playing any games on it, and tried to work around the lock ups & that it takes at least 5 minutes to launch MS Word, and tried to ignore the horrible grinding sound the hard drive makes sometimes.  I've watched the sales, consulted with my more technical friends, monitored CNET reviews, and reminded myself that I'm trying to get out of debt - and a major purchase doesn't exactly fit well with that plan.  Still, my frustration kept mounting - exacerbated by the fact that I realize the grinding noise is typically the forerunner of Hard Drive Permanent Failure.

Friday, I succumbed to the Tech Lust I've been battling lo this long while.  On order (shipping on or around 5/11) is a brand spankin' new Dell E520, with a Intel Core Duo E6420 (2.13GHZ,1066FSB) with 4MB cache; 2 GB RAM, a 256MB nVidia GeForce 7300LE TurboCache graphics card, a 250 GB (7200 RPM) hard drive, and a 16x DVD RW drive.  And a 20" widescreen digital flat panel monitor. 

I'm extremely excited & can't wait to see how it runs - I suspect it's going to knock my socks off!  The sheer processing power difference alone will change the way I organize my work time; having all that storage means I may actually join the 21st century and get some music going.  Very, very exciting and heady stuff.

BUT: I'm still a little queasy about spending a chunk of change on something that's just purely for me.   I realize that's silly - what difference does it make if I write one large check or a series of smaller ones that total to the same amount?  And the amount I've spent on this new system isn't enormous - I spent double this amount and then some just having the exterior trim on the house painted last fall.  In fact, several of the home improvement things I've funded in an attempt to increase curb appeal, and hence the ability to sell the house, have totalled up near or more than this amount. 

I could legitimately justify the purchase to myself over and over, but that's not really the point.  The reasons I get queasy about spending four digits (even if just barely!) in one fell swoop on something that serves only to make my life better are not rational and sound reasons.  They aren't even fair reasons.  I can cut a four digit check on something to benefit a shared goal, or to benefit me plus someone else, without experiencing this internal anxiety.  I simply evaluate what is needed, find the best deal (price & value), and make it happen.  I can make ongoing commitments to help someone I cherish that total far, far more than this.    I can do it without qualm (not without serious thinking, just without serious queasiness) if it's of benefit to someone besides me. 

I'd like to learn to treat myself that reasonably.  That justly.  That kindly. 

Asceticism isn't attractive - and it's certainly not part of my life in non-fiscal arenas.   I know why the fiscal arena is the hardest for me - and I know how I got here - I just have to continue to hold my own hand and gently lead myself through the  scary bits until I reprogram the default panic settings.

So yay me, I'm getting a really cool new system!  It's going to make lots of things faster and more fun and more functional and better!  Yay!  And gentle pats for the scared and queasy part of me: It really is OK to do this.  It wasn't a hasty decision, it wasn't poorly thought out, and satisfying myself in reasoned, well planned and well executed ways is no crime. 

Catching Up - kinda

Today marks the third day at home, after being gone for 12 of the prior 14 days.

First leg was up to NY (fun before work) and NJ (just work):  my boss, just prior to resigning, asked me to come up to discuss the state of the department and what more my team could contribute, since we're succeeding in our current agenda.  Of course, once he resigned, it quickly turned into a four day swamp of politics, positioning and posturing at its Dilbert-esque best...  The good part was heading up the Saturday before all the meetings began, so I had some time for fun & adventure.  I visited my milliner, so my two winter hats could be properly sized - and managed to order two spring/summer ones while I was at it!  A variety of shopping and a few lovely restaurants capped off the weekend quite nicely.

Home for a day - just long enough to rotate the business clothes out of the suitcase and replace them with casual day wear, before jaunting off to the second leg of the journey:

San Francisco with my older sister & nephew for six days.   My subscription to Zagat's  served us well, as we were able to explore several really good restaurants in between all the shopping and turista stuff we did.

We had a big time - more on that later - but by the time I came home Friday, I was glad to be coming off the road for a bit of rest.

Of course, since I'd been gone, all the houseplants needed watering - and the patio containers all needed to be dead-headed, rotated and tended (I hired the neighbor's children to keep those watered during the trips).  I had no less than eight loads of clothes to wash, and needed to replenish both personal and household stock items - necessitating trips to the bookstore, Harry's Whole Foods, Target, Walmart, Tuesday Morning,  Best Buy, Bruster's, Publix and Koger.  With two weeks worth of mail to sort through, stuff to unpack and put away, and the fact I was more than ready to do a little cooking... well, let's just say I'm not ready for Monday even though it's rapidly approaching.   I did manage to make some dark chocolate chunk pecan brownies; some lamb / feta burgers (using my home grown mint, oregano & thyme; served with a lovely galangal scented jasmine rice); and a pair of Enchilada casseroles - one for now, and one for the freezer.  I also managed to finish two books, watch some TV with hubby, catch up with a girlfriend, and walk the yard surveying the frost damage a few times.

Why do I list all this out?  To console myself, really.   I can take some comfort in all that's gotten done - instead of focusing on everything NOT yet done, such as:

• Writing & posting my resume - because with aforesaid boss's resignation, I really can't afford to ignore the handwriting on the wall at work any longer
• Actually taking action on the stack of mail: pay it, file it, shred it but one way or the other - get rid of it
• Picking a realtor & listing the house, even though 60% of me thinks it's going to be another exercise in futility
• Finding that cleverly organized envelope of year end paperwork and getting over to the accountants to file taxes
• Finding stuff to purge that equates in value to the new acquistions made on these two trips

I won't apologize for being driven.  But I do need to be a little nicer to myself about it, and remember that it's really ok to pursue the stuff I want to do - like travel and dine out and read and cook and shop and visit/socialize - the non-fun stuff doesn't ALL have to get done immediately nor must it all be complete before I allow myself to do things that are strictly for my own gratification.  This isn't a "eat your supper before you get dessert" situation - it's my life. 

And I'd much rather spend Sunday evening thinking of all the fun I've had than thinking of all the not-yet-finished "gotta do" items.

Satisfying Saturday

When I got up around 6 a.m. [I know, how decadent of me!]  yesterday, it was raining lightly.   I slipped into my raincoat and walked the yard, applying fertilizer to all the shrubs and annuals.  The rain didn't last long, so I flipped on the sprinkler system to ensure the fertilizer was thoroughly watered in and wouldn't burn the plants.  Though I seldom use the in-ground sprinkler system, it does come in handy at times.   If I were designing and installing one from scratch, though, I'd zone the beds independant of the lawn:  usually, if I water at all, it's for the flower & shrub beds.   

Spent much of the afternoon transplanting again - a half dozen or so blooming annuals; newly acquired; as well as another half dozen existing houseplants.   I'm not finished entirely with the houseplant transfers (everything needs a bigger pot this year!), but it takes all the pleasure out of it if I apply a "rush, must finish" mindset towards the project.  Besides, I wanted to work in time for a bit of cooking...

Pasta with White Clam Sauce [recipe below].   Crostini with goat cheese.  A  couple of garlic-loving friends to share it with.   All in all, a nice low-fuss meal :)

Add in the fact that I found time mid-morning to get to the used book store and restock, and you've got an overall Satisfying [albeit quiet] Saturday.

White Clam Sauce with Pasta

Like most all my recipes, this is in "the order of execution" rather than formal recipe style - and proportions are approximate / adjustable to your taste.  Ingredients are in bold, to make shopping easier.

Put a large sauce pan over low heat and dump in: 1/4 cup olive oil, 3 tbspn. unsalted butter, 1 cup diced sweet onion, 3 tbsp. dried parsley, 1 tbspn. coarse sea salt & 1 tsp. Italian seasoning.  Let it cook very gently, stirring occasionally, until the onion becomes translucent.  Add in two large cloves of garlic; peeled and lighly smashed (not pulverized or run through the garlic press).  Optional: add in 1/2 tspn. red pepper flakes.  Let it cook for another 5 minutes or so, and add in 1/2 cup of Pinot Grigio.

Start heating the water for the pasta.   Juice two lemons into the pan containing the onions, and toss the rinds into the pasta water.  Add 2 large peeled (but whole) cloves of garlic to the water, along with 1.5 tbspns of coarse sea salt.  Since the clam sauce is very mild, echoing the flavors in the pasta is a Good Thing.

As the water heats, continue to stir the pan with the onions & garlic occasionally, adding more wine as the sauce reduces.   Once the pasta water comes to a boil, grind fresh black pepper and add another 3 tbspn. of butter into the pan with the onions & garlic.   Add your pasta to the water pot (I used Ziti Rigati last night because it was all I had in quantity) and stir well so it doesn't stick.

Add 2 or 3 cups of  chopped clams to the onions & garlic, along with more wine, if desired, and some of the boiling pasta water.  The amount of liquid needs to just barely cover the solids in the pan.  Turn that pot off, cover & set aside, so the clams get hot, but don't become tough & chewy.

When the pasta is done to your liking, fish out the garlic cloves from the pasta pot and mash them into the clam sauce.  Drain the pasta, discarding the lemon rinds.  Toss the pasta gently with the sauce, adding more black pepper and Parmesan Reggiano to taste.

Adventures in Cuisine: Thai Black Sticky Rice

About a month or so ago, I had lunch with my girlfriend at one of my favorite ethnic lunchtime eateries - and actually managed to save room to try a dessert: Black Sticky Rice in Coconut Milk.  WOW.   It tasted much better than it sounded - and, as usual, my first thought after YUM was, "I wonder if I could make this at home?"

A little Internet research turned up a recipe; a sojourn to Harry's Whole Foods yielded the ingredients. 

Like many recipes, the one I found assumed several steps that weren't necessarily intuitive - so I figured I'd post the full step by step in case anyone else wants to make it.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 cup black glutinous rice (also called Sticky Rice, Chinese Black Rice)
• 1/4 cup dark brown sugar
• 1 and 1/2 cans coconut milk (NOT Lite; NOT cream of coconut)
• 1 and 1/2 cups water
• 3 eggs
• a little coconut cream (Optional, to serve)
• Nonstick cooking spray

Hardware:

• Crock pot with lid
• 9 x 9 glass baking dish
• foil
• fork, silicone spatula
• measuring cups
• sieve or colander

Rinse the rice thoroughly in a sieve or colander until the water runs mostly clear - tossing & stirring as you rinse.  Set aside to drain.

Put the sugar & water in the crockpot and stir until dissolved.  Rinse off the lid of the canned coconut milk (for some reason, they're usually more filthy than other cans).  Dump one can's worth of milk into the crockpot, using your spatula to get out all the creamy goodness.  Stir all the liquids together until combined, and add the drained rinsed rice.  Stir again, then cover and let it cook on low for 8 hours.

Remove the lid, turn off the heat, and stir gently with a fork.  Let it sit about an hour to cool down. 

Turn the oven on to 350.  Apply a light coat of  nonstick spray to the 9x9 dish.  Crack the three eggs into the dish and whisk them with your fork until completely combined.  Rinse the second can of coconut milk off and add half of it to the eggs; whisk well with your fork until completely blended.  Using your spatula, scrape the rice out of the crockpot and into the dish with the egg/milk mixture.  Stir it all together gently until well combined - no streaks of liquid or lumps of stuck together rice.  Cover the dish with foil, and bake in the oven 30 minutes.

When it's done, let it cool at least 30 minutes.  Put a serving into a bowl & top with a little more coconut milk - or if you're feeling especially decadent, use Cream of Coconut.

Prepping for Spring

Yesterday was largely devoted to planting and transplanting in preparation for Spring and for re-listing the house for sale.   I'm proud to report that even though I visited the gardening section over at Lowe's, I only purchased 8 quarts of coral snapdragons and one tiny six pack of red leaf lettuce.   Oh, there were gloriously blooming plants a-plenty - but I promised myself not to buy more than I could install in one day, and that new installations would not replace the other, {less glamorous but even more essential} tasks of repotting existing plants so they have room to grow.

I yanked out the spent flowering kale and replaced it with the snapdragons, so the front color bed looks great.   I don't think many people realize that snapdragons are nearly as hardy as pansies in our area...  or they'd be more prevalent in the early spring landscapes.

I tucked the lettuce in around the edges of my two herb containers on the mid-level porch; it adds a nice bit of color and who knows - I may even get enough to have a few salads before it gets too hot and turns the leaves bitter.

I transplanted four Lecotha (sp?) shrubs to larger pots; & transplanted the Yellow Thread Cypress as well.   Since I was up to my elbows in transplants anyhow, I decided I might as well tackle some of the houseplants... and ended up transplanting four pots of Spider plants, a Calendula {which is in bloom!} and planting the Split Leaf Philodendrum I'd been rooting this winter.   

Transplanting completed {at least for the day!}, I pulled the dirt off the root balls of the dead patio plants to help fill up some empty planters, and tossed the spent stalks down the hillside.  I'm still itching to get some blooming plants for those empty planters - but I am going to try to hold off at least a week.  At this time of year, more than any other, each day literally makes a difference in whether a plant will merely survive, actually thrive - or just plain die.  Patience isn't my long suit, but it's not like there's a shortage of other Spring Prep Projects to be done in the interim... As a last step for that area, I rearranged all the newly planted stuff so the deck looks good.

Since I was in a full-on gardening zone, and there was still plenty of daylight left, I took the new pole pruner out for a spin on the hillside... Um, let's just say I'm going to need more practice with that thing.  I managed a few clean cuts, but the majority were more of a shred than a cut.  On the other hand, I didn't amputate anything on my person either - and considering it's basically a small chain saw on a very long stick, that's Indeed A Good Thing.

All in all, a satisfying round of Spring Prep Puttering...  and I have a sneaking suspicion I may be back at it today...

Several Small = Big Satisfaction

I planted three shrubs yesterday; two of which were on the incredibly steep slope next to the kitchen porch.  This necessitated some serious balancing and contortions so I could keep from sliding while still digging holes big enough for these large Formosa Azaleas.  Because the slope is so sharp, I also had to create a little clay and rock dam on the bottom edge of each of them - something to help keep them in place until the roots get fully dug in.  Fortunately, since the slope is almost entirely clay (not the regular Georgia Red Clay, but actual honest to god you could about make pots gray clay), there wasn't any shortage of material for making the little protective dams.

The stretching and precarious balancing while wielding a large shovel means I'm just a bit sore now - but  it's a very satisifying soreness.  I think it'd be a lot worse if I hadn't made a concentrated effort towards extended moseying that afternoon; I think additional moseying is called for today just to keep the soreness from turning into stiffness.

I also made some absolutely YUM Lentil Stew.  I'm not a big fan of lentils overall; the texture seems so grainy or chalky for most of them.  However, about six or seven years ago, I was having my hair done around the lunch hour when a Frenchman with a basket of packaged lunches appeared.  My hairdresser explained that he came around most days, selling these homemade lunches - and that they were always wonderful.  Feeling adventurous, I purchased the lentil and lamb stew.  AB FAB.  The immediate difference I noted was that the lentils were tiny, and greenish black - not brownish gray.  They weren't mealy or granular; rather, the whole dish was a rich amalgam of flavor and texture.  I'd not seen this variety of lentil in any store, nor had I even heard it discussed.  Fast forward about three years.  I'm reading my monthly Cook's Illustrated when lo and behold, there's an article discussing Green French Lentils!   The proper name, turns out, is Lentils du Puy.

Now that I knew exactly what to look for, I added it to my 'shopping alert' circle.  It was probably another two years before my best girlfriend called me to say she'd spotted them, and how much did I want?  Acquisition!!

But you've got to add another year to the timeline, because I wasn't doing much cooking for a while, and I sure didn't have a hunk of lamb bone to work with nor was I going to buy one just to experiment.   Over the Xmas holidays, though, I'd purchased a whole leg of lamb, boned it out and made a roast.  The bone went into the deep freezer until yesterday... when I finally set out to make what is now probably a dish that's been waiting six years to be created.  Triumph!

Recipe for Six Year Lentil Stew

Put the frozen raw lamb bone (the bone should have a nice inch or two of meat left on it) in a large pot.  Add just enough water to cover the bone; about two tablespoons of Herbs de Provence; and 1.5 teaspoons of kosher salt.  Cover and leave over the lowest heat so it's barely simmering for about six hours, adding water if needed to keep the bone covered.  The meat should be nearly falling off the bone at this point.   In a separate pot, saute (about a half cup each) chopped red onion , diced celery and diced carrot in a tablespoon of butter with a heavy pinch of kosher salt.  When the vegetables are brown on the edges and starting to stick, pull the bone out of the other pot and set on a plate.  Add the broth to the vegetables and stir well, scraping up the fond from the bottom of the pot.  Turn heat to medium low and simmer while you pull the meat off the bone with a fork and your fingers (get rid of any gnarly bits of sinew).   Using a thin long implement (I used the handle of an iced tea spoon), extract the marrow from the bone and add it to the broth.   Add the meat to the broth and another tablespoon of herbs de provence.  Rinse and pick through 1 3/4 cup Lentils du Puy; add them to the pot and stir well.  Add one whole clove of garlic and reduce the heat until it's barely simmering.  Cover and cook at least two hours, stirring occasionally and adding water if needed to keep the lentils covered and loose but not drowning in liquid.   After an hour, taste for seasoning: add more salt or herbs if needed.

I ate this along with an Olive and Asiago Bread Twist from Theo's bakery.  Yum, Yum, Yum.

Add in the fact I went shopping with a buddy for four hours yet purchased nothing; started reading a new book; set up a Woodworking Appointment with another friend for next weekend; watched a show on how to properly prune deciduous trees; and was still in bed by 9:30 last night.

Altogether, then, yesterday was a satisfying conglomeration of small accomplishments... and as such, was both cheering and encouraging.

Weekend Adventures

I noticed I've been backsliding in my execution of my resolve to broaden my life beyond work.   So far, this weekend's been good progress back towards my goal.

Friday night - bunco game with the neighborhood ladies.   Basically, it's a social gathering excuse - sometimes we never even start the game - but it's a nice low key evening; plenty of wine and snacks and chatting; a chance to get to know more people and just relax "with the gals".

Saturday night - Halloween party at my girlfriend and her fiance's house.  Everyone dressed up; there were 2 fire pits and 2 propane heaters out on the deck and we all had a good time.

Sunday so far: I've planted a flat of creeping vinca; done a couple of loads of laundry, made chicken salad (recipe below); picked up around the house... and have a pot of chicken soup (recipe below) simmering.  I may squeeze in a nap before I head out to the wine tasting dinner with my friends - I'm not used to going out three times in a row!

Simple Chicken Salad

Coarsely chop or shred leftover chicken white meat (I used the Lemon Pepper Rotisserie Chicken from Publix)

Sprinkle 1 tsp. Adobo seasoning over the top

Add mayonnaise to taste; stir well

Easy Chicken Soup

Remove skin from leftover rotisserie chicken.  Put all the rest of the  chicken, and the bones, in a 3 qt. pot.  Add 2/3 cup chopped sweet onion;  1/3 cup carrot chunks;  1/3 cup dried Shitake mushrooms broken into small pieces.  Add 1 tsp. dried celery; 2 tsp. Sunny Paris seasoning

Cover with water, simmer at least 2-3 hours.  Remove carcass; add wild rice or noodles; cook about 15 minutes more & serve.

Fall Foods

The marked change in the weather as we nestle firmly into fall has me thinking of - and making - cool weather dishes.

I made some mulled cider this weekend - just kept topping up the crockpot so I had it on hand, warm and seasoned, each time I felt like getting a mug.  Made the house smell nice too = bonus.

• Apple cider (brown & cloudy type)
• cinnamon sticks
• whole allspice
• whole cloves
• orange peel
• 1 small mace peel

Add in proportion to your taste, but typically in descending order from the list above.

Last night, I made a pot of Not-Hot Chili - it was fabulous.  Start with:

• 3/4 lb. ground pork
• 1/25 lb. lean ground beef

Brown together (medium high flame) in a cast iron dutch oven with a heaping tablespoon of mild chili powder.  Scoop meat out into a colander, leaving some fat (no more than a tablespoon) in the pan.   Set meat aside and lower the heat to medium-low.  Add to pot:

• 1.5 cups chopped red onion
• 1 garlic clove; crushed

Saute together until the onion is soft.  Push the onion to one side, tilt the pot and use paper towels to blot out the excess fat.  Add in the following:

• two 12 oz. cans chopped tomatoes with mild green chilis
• one 12 oz. can tomato sauce
• 1/2 tsp. ground chipotle
• 2 tsp. smoked paprika
• 1 heaping tbsp.  ground ancho pepper
• 1/2 tsp. ground cumin
• 1 heaping tbsp. unsweetened cocoa powder
• 2 tbsps. mild chili powder
• 1 whole clove garlic; peeled
• 1 tbsp. worchestershire sauce
• 1 tsp. kosher salt

Stir well, scraping any stuck onion bits off the bottom of the pan.  Add the drained meat back in, turn flame to low and simmer 2 to 3 hours, lid off; stir occasionally.

Yum!